5 Things I Wish I Was Told Before Moving Abroad
Roughly a year ago, I moved from Portugal to the Netherlands, after securing a job in Amsterdam.
I had been looking for a job abroad for a few months already, and when I got a phone call from HR saying that I had been accepted, I almost couldn’t believe it. It is hard to describe what I felt during that brief moment, standing in a closed bathroom stall all alone — I was thrilled, but I was also scared. Very scared. The only time I lived abroad was when I was on the Erasmus program in Madrid, but this… this was serious.
I called my partner and the first thing that I told him was “pack your bags” — I had been playing this in my head for the past few months, imagining the moment when I would tell him we were about to live a new adventure. On the very same day, he received a phone call from a consultancy company interested in hiring him — he works in IT and is constantly being chased by consultancy companies — and he proudly said, “I’m only interested in job offers in Amsterdam”. Yes, this was very, very real.
I had pictured my life abroad several times, and I had been dreaming about living and working abroad since I was a teenager. But, like they say, it never really hits you until it’s real.
This past year has been so full of challenges that I had never faced before, and even completely new emotions and feelings that I never imagined I would have to deal with. I decided to compile these new thoughts, emotions and feelings into this post, so that you (1) know what to expect if you’re moving abroad or (2) better understand your friends or loved ones that have taken the big step.
1. You’ll be very confused about what really feels like home
One day you have one home, and on the next one you catch a flight to another city, and suddenly you have a new home. Well, this only happens in theory — in reality, it took me a few months to get used to my new life, to my new “home”. In that transition period, it’s as if your limbs are in your new city, but your core is in another, and your soul is just drifting somewhere in-between. You’re sleeping on a strange bed, you hear words you don’t understand all the time, and you can’t really find the ingredients to cook your comfort food.
Then, day by day, you start making your new city feel like home. It’s where you work, where you commute, where you go for a run, drink wine and watch Netflix in the evenings and shyly start making some friends. Hopefully you will overcome the anxiety that the first months bring, and start getting pretty comfortable with your new life, your new… home.
But then again… your oldest and dearest friends are miles away. You facetime your parents every night, but you wish you could hug them. And you still don’t understand anything locals are saying, despite having downloaded Duolingo on a foolish attempt to learn the language. All of your friends are expats who are kind of on the same situation as you, and you feel like you barely know the country you chose to move in to. Deep down, you know this is just a phase in your life, and it’s still quite far from being… home.
This brings me to the second thing no one tells you about moving abroad:
2. Visiting your home country will be weird
While you’ve started your new and exciting life abroad, it is most likely that nothing has changed in your home country and circle of friends and family. Don’t forget that you’ll be living at full gas in your new home — fitting into a different culture, working at a new company, adjusting to the weather — well, it is a lot to take in. Your life will feel like a roller coaster, and it will seem like the first year you lived abroad was in fact five years, because so much happened.
Then, you visit your home and realize that nothing’s changed. Sure, one friend is getting married, another one adopted a dog, and your sibling is graduating, but you still can’t stop wondering: how is it possible that my life changed so much, that I’m so different than who I was last year, and home is stuck in time?
You just can’t get your head around it and visiting your home will look like a sudden stop in your new life. You feel like a different person, but at the same time everything is so comfortable, so homely, that it feels like you never left in the first place.
3. You will be missing out on a lot of things happening on your friends and family’s lives and it will hurt — but that’s ok
I knew that I was going to miss my friends and family dearly, but I hadn’t considered that it would hurt so much to miss out on important events happening in their lives. Maybe if I had been prepared for this, it wouldn’t have shocked me so much to miss my best friend’s bachelorette party, my mom’s birthday, or being there for my family when they needed me. This was especially hard during the pandemic, but I have come to terms with it.
You see, you have to accept that life is made of choices, and you chose to move abroad for some reason. If you’re happy with your choice, be happy with the whole of it, and accept that nothing is perfect. Remember that you have a choice — you’re a free person, and you can always go back if you need or want to.
4. You will grow a lot as an individual
If this is your first time moving abroad, brace yourself! You’ve got a whole new self-discovery journey ahead of you. All the stress and anxiety that come with moving abroad will also bring you resilience, and you will get to know yourself better than ever. You’ll discover your weakest points, but also your strongest ones. You’ll face challenges that you’d never imagined, and all in a completely different country and culture.
Don’t be afraid of this, though — change is often good, and you will be stepping out of your comfort zone. Take the most out of it and accept everything that it encompasses, from the worst to the jolliest moments. Just remember to stay in touch with your loved ones and have a friend who you can share your feelings with; I felt this greatly helped me in the beginning.
5. You will make the most amazing memories — capture and keep them with all your heart
If you’re happy with your decision to move abroad, you’ll probably be living one of the most thrilling phases of your life. It will be exciting, nerve-wrecking and fulfilling, and it’s all so worth it.
I still remember and cherish my memories from my mere 5 months on Erasmus in Madrid, but this is even more intense. I know for a fact that I am living a unique and special moment in my life, so I’ve been making sure to register it all — by taking photos, by journaling or just writing blog posts.
Enjoy the moment and make memories that you can look back to years from now, smiling at old photos and records of that time when you first moved abroad.
After all, moving abroad really is an adventure, an adventure that you choose to take and that will change you deeply — hopefully, for the better.
If you’d like to learn more about my experience in Amsterdam, make sure to visit my blog! I’ve been writing a lot of posts about my life in Amsterdam there.